A Mother Divided

divide: separate something (in this case, a mother) into portions and distribute a share to each of a number of people (specifically, children).

Most working moms have apprehension and anxiety over sending their children to daycare.  Fortunately, for most, they will eventually discover daycare isn’t so bad and that their children thrive in the environment.

Most moms ain’t me.

I dread daycare. It terrifies me.  All of those feelings of apprehension and anxiety are completely founded on my part.  My oldest son has been kicked out of daycare.  He has been more or less removed from preschool.  He has caused a nanny to quit.

You can see why today, when I took my two boys back to daycare for the first time since June, I was a little freaked out.  In fact, I’ve been agonizing over it for weeks, getting in touch with the school social worker and psychologist, speaking with his new teachers, making social stories, trying to get everything in place to ensure that this day would be a good one.

That’s a lot of pressure.

But guess what?  It was a great day.

As many of you know,  my four year-old Big C has high-functioning autism and a nasty temper, so daycare settings have proven to be a challenge; however, it would appear all of my dedication with him this summer (along with his social skills class, OT,  Speech, and his visual schedule, God love it) has paid off because he was awesome.  He couldn’t wait to go to school: “I’m all set!”  He was all smiles when his classmates greeted him with a hello by name.  The school social worker (who seriously must have wings hiding behind her cute cardigan) stopped in for a visit to check-in and also commented on how great the day was.  When I picked him up, he was sitting with a group of other boys playing cooperatively.  He didn’t come running to me.  In fact, he looked hesitant, but smiled, and asked if he could stay a little longer to play.

Seriously?  Needless to say, I was all smiles and so proud, even a little tearful.

In swoops the Mommy guilt.  I mentioned it was a great day, but I forgot the qualifier.  It was a great day for my oldest son.  For my youngest, not so much.

Since Big C’s diagnosis last February, I have put so much of my time and energy into ensuring Big C’s success that, on some level, I’ve just been assuming 16 month-old Little C will be “just fine.”  He really is an easygoing kid.

But not today.  He had a rough one.  He wanted to be held most of the day (which is so not like him), he didn’t nap at all (also not like him), he hardly ate (are you sure this is my kid you’re talking about?) and he bit another child (okay, that sounds a little like him).  As soon as I picked him up from the teacher holding him, he clung to me like a little koala and made that sporadic sound of breath that comes after a long cry.  He didn’t babble.  He didn’t smile.  He just held tight.  He did perk up once we got home, but I cannot forget that lost look on his face right before I held him.

I end this post feeling conflicted.  I feel like I have a great success story here with Big C.  He has been my main muse for much of this blog thus far, and since its inception, he’s made some amazing leaps and bounds.

But what about Little C?  When is it his turn for a little attention?

Tomorrow is always a new day, little buddy.  Let’s tackle this biting bit, shall we?


funky fat girl / Foter / CC BY

 


~ Chaos Contemplated (for now)

Like me on Facebook! Follow me on Twitter!

try again

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “A Mother Divided

  1. I know the apprehensive feeling that comes with sending kids back to daycare after a long summer. I have to tell you, two of my least favorite times of year are the week after school lets out and the first week that school is back in session because this is when my kids’ schedules are disrupted and overturned, and they are so very crabby and exhausted because of it. I don’t know if this helps, but it’s normal for a little acting out, especially for a little guy so young. Lord knows my kids did this for their first few years, both when they had to start staying home with me (which really screwed up the routine they so dearly loved at daycare) and when they had to go back to daycare (which really screwed up the routine they had established with me). It gets better? I does. I just don’t know when…

    Like

    • I totally agree! I guess I’m fortunate to be having the boys get in the groove now so when it’s my first “official” day, it’ll feel more like old hat to them.

      I’m also glad you mentioned how exhausted your boys are during the transition. Totally normal! After the second day, one of Big C’s teachers was concerned how tired he was. Uh, it’s his second day. He should be tired. Duh!

      Like

  2. Oh that mother guilt, however well you nail one part of parenting there’s always a crack somewhere else to let it through (excuse the mixed metaphors). And it is impossible to be treat more than one child fairly as they have different needs.

    Here’s hoping they both have a good day at the same time sometime soon.

    Like

Lemme know what you think!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s